Hope springs eternal.

The first spring training games of the year take place today and that means that 30 teams are still telling themselves that this is their year. Their fans are all calculating how if things fall "just right" we could really make a run at this thing.

In Orlando it sounds like this:
"You know a rotation of Lowe, Vasquez, Glavine, Jurrgens, and Kawakami is solid. Hudson comes back in July/August. Gonzo is healthy in the bullpen. If Franceour can hit like 2007, why can't we win the NL east?"

Or in Lakeland:
"Zumaya and Willis are throwing the cover off the ball. Sheffield is re-dedicated. No way Cabrera starts off slow again, Inge is back at third. Lyon will be the solid closer we were missing last year. Etc, etc."

I can't help but having high hopes for the 09' Tigers and Braves (my national league adopted team). And every time I try to curb my enthusiasm (seriously one show I need to get into) I see an article like this. How can I not make my October reservations now?

Really Bud Selig?!!? Really?!?!

If you haven't seen Really?!? with Seth and Amy on SNL I suggest you click here or here before reading the rest of this post.

Last week A-rod was outed from his "anonymous" steroid test in 2003. Since then he has admitted to using PED from 2001-2003 while with the Rangers. No doubt A-rod is an idiot who cheated the game. His interviews and press conferences have been awkward and uncomfortable. His story is always changing. Basically, A-rod is doing his best Barry Bonds/Roger Clemens impersonation. And, I might add, he is doing a fantastic job. I think the public is handling A-rod well. He is being ridiculed. He is being made fun of. He probably has cost himself a chance to be enshrined into Cooperstown. So, for today, I will leave A-rod alone. However, there is one villain in this story who has been getting off without the penalty he deserves, and that is commissioner Bud Selig. Outside of being compared to Vince McMahon, Selig really hasn't come close to receiving the punishment he deserves.

Which brings me to a completely copied segment that I will call: Really?1? with No Run Support (cue cheesy theme music)

Really Bud Selig?!? Really?!? You said you wouldn't change anything you did about steroid if you had to do it all over again? You felt that you did everything you could Really?!? Let's take a look at your best hitter from this era: Barry Bonds. And the best pitcher: Roger Clemens. The best story: The 1998 Homerun chase with McGwire and Sosa. It seems like the best things that happened in the past decade have all been up to their ears in steroid controversy. Really.

Really Bud Selig?!? Really?!? A-rod has shamed the game? Reallly?!? From 2001-2003 steroids were not illegal in Major League Baseball. Really. You were the commissioner during this time and couldn't get steroids, a substance that is illegal in the United States of America, made illegal in your sport. That is like MLB not having a rule against murder or tax evasion! What the hell? How can you not have a rule against steroids? And really?!? Bud Selig, A-rod shamed the game?!? Really?!? There were 104 people on that anonymous list of positive steroid users in 2003. Really. 104 people. Really. There are 750 roster spots in Major League Baseball. At least 14% of all players in your league tested positive. Perhaps the problems runs a bit deeper than A-rod, Bonds, Giambi, Clemens, Petite, and Tejada. Perhaps, the head of the league should take some responsibility for 14% of his workforce using an illegal and performance enhancing substance. Imagine what would happen is 14% of Windows employees tested positive for Meth? Do you think Bill Gates would be patting himself on the back? Belly-aching about people blaming him for things out of his control? Really.

And finally, Bud Selig this was your response to people questioning your leadership during the steroid era, "I don't want to hear the commissioner turned a blind eye to this or he didn't care about it." Really?!? Really Bud Selig?!? You know, I didn't want to hear that there is going to be a players strike in 1994, or that the All-Star game was going to end in a tie, or that the commissioner refuses to attend games when the all-time home run record is about to be broken only because he is good friends with the previous holder of the record and there is assumed steroid guilt of the guy breaking the record. But I had to deal with all of that Bud, while you skirted your responsibilities. Really.

The secret to signing Manny

Here we are nine days from the start of spring training and the list of available free agents is absurd. Its gotten to the point where everyone has written the "all-free agent team" article such as this one. With so much top notch talent for hire and most wallets thinner than last year, GMs need to start getting creative. To illustrate my point I will explain how any GM should court the services of Manny Ramirez. Seriously, there isn't one team that Manny wouldn't hit 3rd or 4th for this year, not one.

First, you must realize that Manny does not need money. He has made enough money to retire 10 times, each time like a king. He no longer has any concept of money. When he left Boston they found un-cashed checks in his locker.He is basically in the same situation Forrest Gump was in after investing in Apple, he no longer needs to worry about money. "That's one less thing." Its not about the money for Manny, its all about the status and the respect. Status and respect in baseball are dictated entirely by length and magnitude of contract... until now.

Manny needs to know that he is loved and respected. The economy is down so paying him 30 million per year is out of the question. I propose the following stipulations in Manny's contract:

1. For the entire time Manny is with your team and for 5 years following his departure - he gets to name the stadium anything he wants. "The House that Manny built" "Man-Ram's" " I-HOP"... whatever. Its his call.

2. Manny gets to setup all in stadium promotions during the season. It would be like having a minor league team run by a crazy uncle. Its liver and onions day today at Man-Ram stadium.

3. Manny gets to control 3 spots on the 25-man roster. If Manny wants to bring in Pedro, Shaq, and Charles Nagy you go out and sign Pedro, plug in Shaq at third, and find Charles Nagy. Its Manny's call. Trust me, a 22-man roster with Manny is better than a 25-man roster without Manny.

4. A tricked out golf cart will be responsible for driving Manny to and from left between innings. Picture the bullpen cars from the 80s. It would be like a Zamboni. Manny could fire the t-shirt gun on his way out.

All of these little additions are public ways to decree the respect you have for Manny. He doesn't need the money, he just wants the respect, and nothing says respect like t-shirt guns between innings.

Remembering May 9, 2003. They day I won a game for the Cincinnati Reds

I know what you are asking yourself. Jacob, I have been reading this blog for months now and you never told me you pitched in the majors?
Let me answer that by saying first, many thanks for reading this blog for months. And second, sadly I might add, I have never thrown a pitch in the majors. My 3 career home runs in division III baseball are as close as I came to being into the show.

So now I am sure you racking your brain. How could you have won a game for the Reds? Did I give Adam Dunn the same speech Mr. Burns gave to Daryl Strawberry?
No, no speech was given.

As all good stories go, "So there I was.."

Myself and several friends decided to take in a game at the Great American Ballpark on May 9, 2003. Exams were done for the semester and Cincinnati was only a 2-hour drive from Delaware, Ohio. Most of us had never been to the GAB and two of my friends are big Reds fans. The game wasn't sold out and we got great seats in the right field bleacher directly next to the Brewers bullpen. To be exact, I was sitting on the end of the aisle and immediately to my left was the bullpen about 20 feet straight down (this will come into play a bit later).

This story truly begins in the bottom of the first inning. Austin Kearns hits a towering home run into the Brewers bullpen, giving the Reds an early 3-0 lead. Curt Leskanic actually caught the ball in the bullpen. I immediately called out, "Hey Curt throw it up here." Typically in these situations smaller children or attractive woman are the two likeliest candidates to receive a home run or foul ball from a player. I am neither small, a child, or an attractive woman. However, Curt Leskanic looks right at me and goes to throw me the ball. Perhaps he was flattered I actually new his name? I may never know Leskanic's true motivations. Whatever the reasoning Curt throws the ball right at me, with one minor problem. He shorted me by about 10 feet. It was only a twenty foot throw! Ok, I told myself, not to worry, I am sure he is a bit embarrassed, but I know he will reach me on the next throw. He probably just misjudged the distance. To reassure Curt I hold out my hands, and really give him a good target. And that is when Curt Leskanic made an enemy for life...

Leskanic catches the ball following his ten-foot throw. Turns around and then perfectly tosses the ball to a small child sitting a few rows up from where we were sitting. What just happened? Did I really just get punked by Curt Leskanic? Did he think this was funny? Did he have any idea whom he was dealing with?
Answers to the previous questions are:
1. Curt Leskanic was having some fun on your behalf
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. No, not a clue.

At this moment my friends and I decided to make it a very miserable and sad day in the Milwaukee bullpen. For the next several innings we berated Curt with all kinds of taunts and jabs. "Hey Leskanic I hope you can make the 60 ft throw from the mound to the plate." "Hey Leskanic...you stink!" You know, really let him have it.

Normally I do not condone this type of behavior, these guys are just trying to do their job. But, as any three year old would say, "He started it!"

Then Christmas came early to Cincinnati. Leskanic was warming up to pitch the 8th inning. That's when we really started pouring it on. Critiquing every pitch he threw. Giving him grief every time he bounced a curve or missed the catchers target. It was probably the most attention anyone has ever paid to Curt Leskanic during a major league game. Naturally, Leskanic entered the game and had a 1,2,3 inning, including 2 strikeouts. The wind was immediately deflated from our proverbial sails. The picture above depicts his celebration following the second strikeout. I had to tip my hat to Leskanic. He was the better man that day. He both talked and walked. However, we re-grouped and decided that he may have won the battle, but the war was far from over. We decided that any reliever toeing the rubber for the Brewers would have to deal with our wrath on Leskanic's behalf. Why should the rest of the pen get off so easy. After all, they were all there when Curt shorted me with that throw. It was a whole new ball-game.

And in the ninth inning we made our major league debut. After rattling the cages of Mike DeJean, he promptly went out and gave up a two-run lead to send the game into extra innings. Success! After the Brewers scored a run in the top of the 10th, we knew we had our work cut out for ourselves against Luis Vizcaino. Fortunately, Mr Vizcaino was no the same consummate professional that Curt Lesaknic was. Now, I can't write everything we said to Mr Vizcaino, this is a family blog. However, the last thing we told him before he took the mound in the bottom of the 10th was, "You can blame all of this on Curt Leskanic and his pathetic arm." Buzz-ing.

When you look up the box score from May 9, 2003 you will read that Jose Guillen won the game for the Reds with a two-run home run in the bottom of the 10th inning. What you won't read, is how four men were wronged by Curt Leskanic in the first inning and sought their vengence againt him and the Brewers organization. If we had talked trash to the Brewers bullpen 10 times, they might win 9. But not this time. For May 9, 2003 belonged to us.