$207,108,489 can buy happiness....just not in the Bronx

Although the Yanks avoided the sweep today, I think its safe to say their 2008 season is over. No playoffs for the Yankees for the first time since I was 13 years-old. Now the Yankees are not a terrible team - they have been around 10 games over .500 for most of the second half of the year.

But when you spend 207 million - you get everything that's coming to you.

There were injuries to Posada, Wang, A-rod, Jeter, and Joba. The kids were terrible - Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have no wins. Zero. This could go down as the worst trade that never happened. Their manager is gone. The Boss is gone. Carl Pavano was hurt (I couldn't resist).

It was a perfect storm of disaster. And now it its final year, the House that Ruth Built is starting to look like the rest of the real estate market.

For some reason I can't stop smiling. Do I feel bad about the injuries? No, not really. Did anyone feel bad when Darth Vader had his hand cut off? My point exactly. Am I sad the stadium is closing? There is a bit of nostalgia - but mostly I am happy to see the Death Star go - because as they close the door on Yankee Stadium they are closing the door on the Joe Torre, George Steinbrenner, and Mariano Rivera era. I have a strange feeling the new era of the Yanks is going to look a lot like the Knicks. There is a new curse of the Bambino - and he lives in the Bronx.

Oceans' 12

How is Albert Pujols still underrated?

He has an MVP - 2005
He has a ring - 2006
He has a moment - I will never forget watching him hit that ball against Brad Lidge. In related news the National Weather Service has reported that the home run ball should be landing sometime in late November

However, this weekend was one of the most miraculous things I have ever seen in the Braves vs Cardinals series.

Coming into the series Chipper Jones of the Braves was leading the NL with a 0.360 batting average, Phat Albert entered the series at a pedestrian 0.348

On Sunday both Chipper and Albert were tied at -0.359. This isn't early May when batting averages can fluctuate by the at-bat, this is late August. And this wasn't a weekend series where Chipper came in hitting 0.360 and went 0 for the series to see his average plummet. Chipper lost 0.001 in three days by going 4-12.

So how did Albert make up 12 points in 3 games with Chipper only losing 1 point?
- He went 8 for 10 in the series. According to the announcers ( I didn't get to watch the entire series) - Pujols could have been 10 for 10 - hitting the ball hard both times he was retired.Now as surprising as it is that anyone can go 8 for 10 in a series, I am more shocked by the concept that the Braves threw at least 10 strikes to Pujols in the series!!

Dear Roger McDowell,

Make Rick Ankiel beat you!

Sincerely,
The Entire City of Atlanta


If I was an opposing team Albert would be given the Barry Bonds treatment - no not that treatment - the never throw him a strike force those other guys to beat you treatment. This guy still doesn't seem to get his due. People are obsessed with A-rod and Madonna, Manny's hair, and Prince Fielder's diet (don't get me wrong I follow all of those things). Albert, when you accept you 2nd MVP this season - know that I will be in awe. Everyone else has decided you are just another boring superstar, and I think that may be your best quality.

A solution to fix the Pirates

If you haven't seen this article - I will summarize it in two sentances. There is a nine-year old pitcher playing in an 8-10 year old little league. He has been banned from pitching for throwing too hard. Wow. He has never hit a batter and apparantly has great control.

Pirates team officials plan to use this tactic the next time they are in Wrigley.

Pirates front office: "Mr Selig we would like Carlos Zambrano banned from throwing tonight."

Bud: "Really are you concerned he may go head hunting, are you worried for the safety of your players?"

Pirates front office: "No sir, he is just too good. And if you can ban him from hitting as well we would really appreciate it."

The Twins are the Anti-Tigers

Their payroll is low. They traded away the best pitcher in the game. And their second best pitcher from 2007 now throws in Tampa. Their left-handed Phenom has been hurt most of the year. Recently, they cut the pitcher on their team with the most wins. Their Gold-glove center fielder left to play elsewhere for more money. This is the recipe for disaster, this sounds like the Reds. However, this is your 2008 Minnesota Twins. Currently 73-54 and only 1/2 game out of the AL Central lead.

How is this possible?

This has been made possible by a combination of things, but mostly - they have a great team, they play hard, and they are managed well.

Sure it helps that the middle of your order has Mauer and Morneau - The best catcher in the AL and the reigning AL MVP respectively. They also have a lights out closer - who may be the most underrated guy in the American league in Nathan. After that, there are a bunch of great pieces and parts - but no one really spectacular. Delmon Young - the big off season pick up has been solid -but 7 HR 53 RBI - not exactly tearing the cover off the ball. Can you imagine if the Yankees had Jeter, A-rod, Rivera, and then a bunch of roll players and a starting rotation held together by band-aids and duct tape? The Yankees complain about injuries more than anyone - but they still have Jeter, A-rod, Rivera, Mussina, Cano, etc, etc. And don't even get me start about the Tigers. After Mauer, Morneau, and Nathan do any Minnesota Twins start for Detroit?

I know Joel Madden is going to win the AL manager of the year - and with good reason. But Ron G. has no shame in finishing second in this race.

From first to third.

And here we go around the horn:

1. Josh Hamilton you are all that is man. No run support's favorite candidate for the AL MVP added an impressive stat to his resume last night. In the 9th inning will the Rays leading the Rangers 7-3 Joel Madden decided to walk Hamilton, oh yeah the bases were already loaded. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I have never seen this. I have so much more Joel Madden respect today, and I loved him yesterday. He is coaching the surprise team of the season and he was willing to be unconventional, walk in a run and not let Josh Hamilton beat him. Josh Hamilton you weren't going to the playoffs this year anyways - and now you have a story to tell at the bar for the rest of time, "There I was....."

2. Olympic baseball is a complete joke. Earlier this week the United States was playing the heavily favored Cuba. The game went into extra innings and when the game reached the 11th we found out just how dumb the rules in the olympics are. Starting in the 11th inning teams begin each inning with runners on 1st and 2nd and may start the inning at any point in their order. This is brutal, its not baseball. I could even live with having teams start with runners on 1st and 2nd - it seems similar to the college football rule of having to go for 2 point conversions after several overtimes. However, starting at any point in your order completely ruins the game of baseball. Strategy is dead. Having a balanced lineup is pointless. What if you are managing and use you left handed reliever in the 11th to get a tough lefty out - that's ok he will also lead off the 12th, and 13th, and 14th....... Baseball is a great game of strategies and situations and this rule takes both of those elements out of the game. Let's hope that no games in the medal round get to the 11th inning.

3. CC Sabathia is the guilty pleasure of the summer of 08'. Hats off to the Brewers - they haven't been to the playoffs since I was one and they have decide to rent themselves quite a piece of real estate for the playoff push. CC is currently 7-0 since coming to the NL with 4 CGs. If the Brewers make the playoffs CC will be leading that parade through downtown Milwaukee. And thank goodness that CC went to the Brewers - at 6'5" and 295 lbs there are only certain uniforms that really work well for CC - Cleveland was a great fit, as is Milwaukee. I just can't picture him in a Marlins home uniform or in the Astros road uniform. As long Brandon Webb wins 20+ I don't think CC will win the Cy Young, but he has made pitching fun to watch and its an added bonus getting to watch him hit 3 times a night.

As I am writing this and watching the Astros and Brewers the ESPN bottom line has reported that Greg Maddux has been traded to the Dodgers. I predict he will throw an absolute gem in the playoffs - probably against the Cubs. In other news - why does baseball even have a trading deadline?

A plea to Barry Bonds

Dear Barry,


I was great to see you last weekend. I know things haven't been great between us in the past, but I can change, we can make this work. The truth is, baseball needs you Barry. I need you. I miss never missing one of your at-bats because I am equal parts a huge fan and disgusted by what you have done. Every good story needs its heroes and its villains and the 2008 season is turning into one sappy Disney movie. We have a comeback player of the year looking like he may win AL MVP, the Rays (yeah those Rays) are probably going to win the east, the Cubs may actually win the world series, the Yankees are terrible, and Curt Schilling is hurt. Even the White Sox picked up Jr and are becoming much harder to root against. I think I am going to be sick. You see, baseball needs its villains - Yanks, Schilling, steroids, you, etc.

So in the spirit of bringing back my Lex Luther for the good of baseball I have devised a fool-proof plan to ensure you are in a uniform next season: wearing 9 tons of body armor and driving Bud Selig crazy every step of the way. Follow these steps and I ensure you one someone will suddenly need a left-handed DH with power and a 0.500 obp.

Step 1 - Apologize directly and unequivocally. Apologize for everything. Steroids, cheating, ruining children's lives, the high gas prices, the Kennedy assassination.... People just want to see you be humble. Once you apologize, never speak of it again and go back to being your cocky self.

Step 2 - Grow a mustache. And I am not talking about some tiny little manicured piece of facial hair. This needs to be out of control. People love mustaches and no one can be mad at a guy with one - see Jason Giambi.

Step 3 - Show up everywhere. Show up to game in Pittsburgh - sign autographs, thank the fans for all the memories. Show up in Detroit to see Leyland. Show up in Philly, ok bad idea there. Make the rounds of your own personally PR tour. Shake hands, kiss babies, etc.

Step 4 - This may the most important step of all - get a self-deprecating commercial or bit on SNL. We have to see that not only are you sorry, but have some humility as well. Maybe a weekend update with a "really" bit where you can drop in. Laugh it up, the jokes on you.

Follow my plan Barry and I assure we can go back to the way things once were. 29 teams rooting against you on the outside (and cheering for you on the inside) and the 1 team you play for pretending you body naturally changed shape over the years. Best of luck Barry, hope we will be seeing you soon.

Sincerely,
No Run Support

One chance to turn this whole thing around

I was watching the Braves vs. Diamondbacks game last night with my friend. We were both commiserating that our respective teams are in the midst of pretty disappointing seasons. That led to conversations about the future - what do the Braves need to do to get back to the playoffs next year. I think their biggest need is a feared hitter in the middle of the order. Currently, the Braves have a lineup of guys who should be hitting 1-3 and 6-8. They really need at least one of those guys who can drive the ball out of the ball park consistently and you put in the 4 or 5 spot everyday. It is possible that Jeff Francoeur can become a 5 hitter again, but he looks so lost at the plate this year it is hard to tell. And I love Brian McCann, but I have a problem counting on your catcher to be your cleanup hitter. At best the guy is only going to play 140-145 games a year. Ideally, the Braves would want this guy to play left field. My friend and I talked about a few actual options Adam Dunn of the Red, Marcus Thames of the Tigers, etc. Both are fun players and are country strong. Then we realized the perfect person for that spot is Ryan Braun - The Hebrew Hammer himself. Of course the Brewers have no intention of trading Braun. So this takes me to my point of the post - if your favorite team could add one current player from any other team who would it be? Would this be enough for your team to make the playoffs, win the WS, maybe finish at 0.500. I plan to start of list of each team's dream player from around the league. Feel free to add your favorite team and their fantasy draft pick. Remember to take into consideration the age of the person you are drafting and the current makeup of your team.

Atlanta Braves - Ryan Braun - Braun moves right into the cleanup spot and LF and the Brave lineup goes from good to scary. If the pitching can become moderately healthy next year I think this team wins the NL east.

Detroit Tigers - Jonathan Papelbon - Ok, I really wanted Tim Lincecum, but when I am honest with myself - the Tigers need a nasty closer who wants the ball in the 9th inning. With Papelbon, Zumaya and Rodney can hold down the 7-8th innings. I think with JP and a healthy Bonderman the Tigers could win the Central (maybe even a reinvented Dontrelle Willis - ok now I am really am just dreaming).

Playoffs? Playoffs?

Ok. I died a little last week. The Tigers traded Pudge for Kyle Farnsworth.......yes that Kyle Farnsworth. I wasn't even that sad to see Pudge go. Sure he represented the beginning of the turn around in Detroit - but he had become a problem in the clubhouse and has been immune to walks since 2006. It was a bit nostalgic to see him go, but I wish him well in the Bronx. But while I was on vacation last week I kept asking myself the same thing - what did I do to deserve Kyle Farnsworth?

I tried to sell myself on the trade. Maybe he can be the glue that holds the bullpen together down the stretch. Perhaps he will throw with a chip on his shoulder and have a dominant August and September. But I knew the truth, for I had seen this Kyle Farnsworth before.

And so all of my worst fears were realized last night, in what I think may be the worst Tigers loss ever for me personally. The whole season has been one huge disappointment from D-train missing the strike zone, to Bonderman getting hurt, to the Roller Coaster that is Todd Jones, and of course the addition of Farnsworth. Its been a tough year for Tigers fans, especially in a year when expectations were higher than ever. Sure, the Tigers have teased us, gotten us to believe that we are just one or two hot series away from turning this whole thing around. And then the Tigers got swept in Tampa making this current series with the White Sox, in this humble blogger's opinion, Leyland's last stand in 08'. Sweep the White Sox and there is hope again in Detroit - anything else and I think you can safely start making tee times for early October. I am so glad I didn't see this game, instead I saw the Dark Knight. I am sure my nighmares would have been much much worse if I had actually seen the game. Our hero, Farnsworth enters the game with a one run lead and promptly gives up a game-tying home run to Alexi Ramirez is who is 6'3" and 185 lbs (or 1/6th of Prince Fielder). By the way Farnsworth has appeared in 3 games for Detroit this year - 2 BS. Not to worry Tigers fans Fernando Rodney shakes off his recent troubles and throws 3 innings of scoreless relief allowing the Tigers to score twice in the top of the 14th on a Placido Polanco 2-run homer (apparently it was tiny second basemen hit big home runs night in Chicago - first 10 fans get their own Luis Castillo home run ball). And then comes the bottom of the 14th Joel Zumaya in to close the opening game of the series. He gets into trouble, but appears to get out by inducing a ground ball to Renteria with 1 out in the 14th. Edgar boots the ball, as Tigers fans everywhere wonder just how good Jair Jurrgens is going to be, and allows the inning to continue. Nick Swisher then hits a 3-run 2-out home run to send the Sox to a 10-8 win and send me straight for the Jack. As I drink to the high hopes of the 08' season I can almost year taps being played, every so softly. Well - there's always next year.